Chicks Dig Jerks, German ISIS Edition

A “German” (Turkish) ISIS bride told the Daily Mail her tale of star crossed love.

Derya O., Daily Mail

For several years she was the girlfriend of a Hells Angels boss...

Chicks dig jerks

... and says she became increasingly unhappy with her life shortly before meeting German convert Mario Sciannimanica online, who told her about life in ISIS.

Mario Sciannimanica? Sounds more like pasta than sour kraut.

Two months later, Derya left her German life behind and travelled to Turkey where she was trafficked across the Syrian border.

‘When I saw Mario for the first time, in military clothing with his full beard and weapon, he looked great,’ she said.

According to Derya, they spent their first night together in the unromantic surroundings of an ISIS torture chamber.

She said: ‘We were housed in a former torture chamber, there were chains hanging from the ceiling, blood was still on the walls, it was all very scary.’

Derya, who from that moment was forced to wear an all-covering burka, said that she did not have much in common with the group’s perverted interpretation of Islam.

‘Actually, I did not want all of that, I wanted to help Syrian children,’ she added.

Sure she did. Clearly she’s a modern day Mother Theresa.

She and Sciannimanica then moved to Iraq where their son was born in 2015, but they continuously argued and soon broke up.

That’s for all the dumbass Western men who think Islam is the cure for what ails Western women. I've met a few. Seriously. 

She immediately received a new marriage proposal from Denis Cuspert, a former rapper known as ‘Deso Dogg’ who became Germany’s most famous ISIS terrorist.

See? Even ISIS chicks are hypergamous!

‘He was often with us at home, he’s a very sweet human being,’ Derya said.

Chicks dig jerks!

However, she refused to marry him because ‘women have nothing to say with him’ and decided to become the second wife of Belgian ISIS commander Abu Salahuddin.

See? Even ISIS chicks are feminists!

‘Everything was fine until he was hit by a drone and died two months later. God, what bad luck I have with men,’ she added. ‘All of them die around me.’

Ya gotta love the passivity in that statement. It's not that she goes weak at the knees for evil men whose evil deeds lead to a bad end; It’s just “bad luck”.

She then went back to her first husband Mario Sciannimanica who was later accused of spying against ISIS, and executed by his former comrades after a quick trial.

After Sciannimanica was arrested and tortured, she fled from ISIS territory using human traffickers to get her across the Syrian-Turkish border.

Poetically, their relationship ended where it began, in an ISIS torture chamber!

She was jailed in a Turkish prison and extradited to Germany in the summer of 2017.

Silly Krauts. Why bother extraditing her? leave her where she chose to go, and bid her good riddance.